


Dreams and Nightmares

by thealphagate_archivist



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-09-09
Updated: 2006-09-09
Packaged: 2019-02-02 13:02:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12727110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thealphagate_archivist/pseuds/thealphagate_archivist
Summary: Daniel may finally be ready to accept Jack's love, but nightmares threaten their perfect dreams





	Dreams and Nightmares

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the archivists: this story was originally archived at [The Alpha Gate](https://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Alpha_Gate), a Stargate SG-1 archive, which began migration to the AO3 in 2017 when its hosting software, eFiction, was no longer receiving support. To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are this creator and it hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Alpha Gate collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/thealphagate).

Dreams and Nightmares

“Wow,” Daniel sighed, feeling utterly relaxed. Grinning softly, he tried to turn his head so he could see Jack, despite the fact that his head was on Jack's chest, nestled beneath his chin.

“So when do I top?” he asked, his voice teasing, though he partly meant it. He wanted to make Jack feel like he felt then. Jack had given him so much, and he felt so weak and pathetic to be giving nothing back. All the same, the moment he said the words he regretted them, cringing at his own stupidity.

Jack had been smiling softly, feeling utterly at peace with Daniel in his arms. Hearing his words shattered that peace as he felt Daniel stiffen in his arms and Daniel’s breath began to come in sharp pants. Sighing sadly Jack lightly kissed the top of his head and shifted his hold so that his arms were no longer holding tight. One hand rested lightly upon Daniel’s arm, the other reached around to rub his chest in a soothing manner.

“When you’re ready, Danny,” he answered softly, never stopping in his gentle rubbing. He could feel Daniel’s heart racing beneath his palm and knew that the peace was shattered for the moment.

“Sorry,” Daniel whispered, “I didn’t mean…I just wanted…I wanted to do something for you.”

“I know Danny, it’s ok,” Jack whispered in his ear, “I don’t need anything but you.”

“Sorry,” Daniel repeated, squeezing his eyes shut. He wanted to recapture the peace of before, to make it perfect again. Trying to calm himself, he concentrated on Jack’s voice, on the warmth and protection he offered, and wished that he could ask him to hold him tight before he shattered, but he knew that if Jack did, he would start to feel constrained and that would be even worse. The moment had been perfect, and Daniel had ruined it, staining this first time and making Daniel wonder if he would ever be clean of it.

Jack had been so understanding of it all, building up to this moment with a gentle patience. There were so many first times for Daniel and Jack wanted all of it to be perfect, and it had been, up to the point Jack had tried to give him a blow job. For a moment, as the moist heat had closed over his cock, Daniel had felt utter bliss. Then it had shattered and suddenly it wasn’t Jack’s mouth surrounding him; he was being forced deep into her wet heat, it was her hands touching him, pulling at him, demanding that he give himself to her. The next thing he knew Jack was there, patting his face gently, a look of deep concern and love radiating from his eyes. Daniel had barely made it to the bathroom in time. Jack didn’t ask any questions, waiting for when Daniel was ready, just offering his solid presence. He got the shower ready for Daniel and prepared his clothes and left him to it, though never going beyond his call. When they were finally in bed again, not quiet touching, Daniel felt he had to say something.

“Sorry,” he whispered, not able to look at Jack. A gentle touch on his chin made him turn his head to look into Jack’s gentle, understanding eyes.

“Nothing to be sorry for,” he answered. Daniel turned his head away again, nodding even though he wasn’t sure he agreed.

“Hathor?” Jack asked, finally, having to know but unsure if he was intruding. Daniel hesitated, then nodded. Jack had left it at that, never asking anymore questions, for which Daniel was glad. 

There had been a few situations after that, a few positions they discovered were definitely a no go, but usually it had come out in nightmares or in unexpected moments. Jack would say just the wrong word at an inopportune time and Daniel would freeze. Usually it wouldn’t be a full blown flashback or panic attack, just a momentary reminder. Daniel hated that, hated that he made Jack feel the need to be so careful of him. Sometimes he got so angry at how gentle Jack would be, wanting to shout that he wasn’t made of glass. Then something would happen, or he’d have a nightmare, and all he would want was for Jack to remind him over again that he was loved, that he wasn’t the disgusting, pathetic weakling he felt himself to be.

And then, there were moments like this night. There were times when it was perfect, and the little jolts and reminders never came, and he could relax. It had built up to this slowly, to a time when Jack could really hold Daniel and he wouldn’t immediately feel trapped but instead he was protected, safe. He could love and be loved and it was only Jack’s skin he touched, Jack’s hands on him, Jack’s lips, Jack’s tongue. It was Jack’s voice that whispered to him, only Jack. He knew Jack’s smell intimately, was familiar with his heartbeat, with the low vibration of his voice, and all these things meant comfort, safety, and love. 

This night, they had come together and for the first time Daniel allowed himself to be penetrated. He knew that Jack knew what he was doing and that he would never hurt him, or take what Daniel couldn’t give. If Daniel had declared himself to never be ready, Jack wouldn’t have pressured. Daniel suspected he wouldn’t have even been disappointed. Jack had certainly worked at him for the past months to convince him that he wasn’t going to leave, that he couldn’t possibly be disappointed with anything Daniel did or didn’t do, and that his love was not about sex. Daniel was beginning to believe him. He had never been in a relationship with a man before, not that he hadn’t noticed men, he had just never been good at relationships in general. There had been Sarah who had been using him, really, and then Sha’ure, who he had loved with all his heart before she died. The other two he never mentioned were nightmares, not relationships. Now there was Jack, the one person he not only loved but was slowly able to give his heart to and understand it would be safe. Not even Sha’ure had that final piece of him.

This night, their discussions and talking were done. Daniel was ready to give his heart. Jack cooked dinner for once that night, complete with wine and candles, setting the mood as he said. Daniel had smiled at the effort, admitting it was a nice touch, if a bit sappy. Jack had only grinned and shrugged at that remark, admitting the truth behind it and going ahead anyway. They took things slowly, starting on the couch with gentle kisses and finally moving it to the bedroom. Jack removed Daniel’s clothes slowly, caressing him softly, taking his time. Then he removed his own clothes more quickly and drew them both down onto the bed. Reading Daniel’s eyes, seeing fear mixed with excitement and love, Jack started out slowly, making no move to touch Daniel any lower than his chest, until he felt him relaxing under his attention. Finally he instructed Daniel to turn onto his stomach, knowing this would be easiest on him both for it being his first time and to keep unwanted memories from creeping up.

Once again the preparation had been slow, gentle, Jack talking to him the entire time except when his tongue and mouth was too busy working on Daniel to talk. A part of Daniel hated that he needed this gentleness, these slow, reassuring caresses, but mostly he allowed himself to soak up Jack’s love and relax into it. When he first felt a slick finger entering him he tensed in surprise. This was so different from his other experiences, but Jack soon had him groaning and wanting more, pulling from him a surprised cry when he found his prostrate. A second finger followed the first, stretching him, and then a third. Not wanting Daniel to feel any pain, Jack added a fourth finger after that, reveling in the sensations. Finally, with Daniel flushed and aching with want, Jack placed his hard, oozing cock to Daniel’s entrance and slowly eased himself inside. Daniel let out a soft gasp, grabbing hold of the sheets as Jack entered him. Once he had pushed himself all the way inside Jack paused, waiting for Daniel to adjust. Kissing the back of his neck, he whispered words of love and started his slow, steady thrusts, building them up in a constant rhythm until he was pounding forcefully into his lover. It didn’t take long for Daniel to come, shouting Jack’s name, and after that slow build up Jack found himself quick to follow. Exhausted and sated, Jack pulled out and turned himself over, pulling Daniel over on top of him in the bed. 

It had been perfect, Daniel thought, until his own words had shattered it. They were back to Jack’s careful holds and gentle patience that Daniel hated. Without saying a word, Jack finally reached over an arm and pulled out a pill bottle from the side table and, with a bit more of a strain, the waiting glass of water. Daniel hated this too, that Jack had been prepared for this, and even more that he took the pills from Jack and drank them down without a word. He knew they were only mild sedatives to help him sleep, but it made him feel like a mental case, reminding him of his short stay as a schizophrenic. Then his thoughts became less ordered as the pills took effect, and slowly he began to relax again. He lay peacefully across Jack's chest, feeling the warmth of his hands as they lightly soothed him, until at last he felt himself drifting. Wrapped securely in Jack's love, he fell asleep. 

Jack remained awake for a good deal longer. As soon as he knew Daniel was relaxed enough to accept it, he moved his arms back around the sleeping man into a secure hold, kissing the top of his head. Whatever Daniel thought, he knew that this night had been perfect, and one little scare at the end didn’t change that. Daniel had been so relaxed, so willing to accept Jack into him, and for that moment they had made it beyond all the nightmares of their past for a timeless moment of love. Jack tried to concentrate on that and not how much he hated that bitch who had hurt his Daniel so deeply. Jack knew many people had hurt Daniel in the past, some leaving scars more obvious than others, but none seemed so bad as what that woman had done to him.

Jack remembered how Daniel had been after Hathor, how detached and lost he had seemed, how his self hugging never seemed to leave off. Though Jack hated the necessity to kill on principle, he had taken great satisfaction in killing her. He was so proud of Daniel now, to have moved past all that, so that he could have these moments with him. Jack knew Daniel was terrified to accept his love; it seemed that just about everyone Daniel had ever loved left him. It had taken a long time for Jack to convince Daniel he wasn’t going anywhere before Daniel finally accepted any form of relationship beyond friendship. When Jack had first realized the scars Hathor had left, scars he had hoped had disappeared with time, he cursed himself for his own stupidity. He knew better than anyone how deep some scars could run, and he did his best to show Daniel that it was all right. Daniel had seemed so embarrassed, as if time should have long healed any damage the rape had caused, as though that made him weak. He couldn’t see what Jack saw; a beautiful, passionate, caring man who had had horrible experiences and managed to get live through them. He felt privileged to have been given the chance to love Daniel, and to perhaps help to heal even a small part of his torn soul. Now he felt the huge honor that it was to hold Daniel as he slept, to be allowed to care for him and to love him, an honor Daniel would not give to many, if to anyone else at all. With this on his mind, he slowly relaxed himself, and let himself slip back into the peacefulness he knew before. Slowly, Daniel held snugly in his arms, he went to sleep. Together, they dreamed.


End file.
